#MosesOut

Yes, he freed us from 400 years of slavery and got the Egyptians to give us all their riches, but that was last week.

Now look. We’re trapped between an angry Egyptian army and the sea.

Oh great. Now there’s a conveniently-timed earthquake so he can claim he “split the sea and led us to safety”.

Safety? Have you SEEN the Sinai desert? I bet we’ll be stuck here for 40 bloody years with only the occasional miracle and some bloody manna from heaven to keep us happy.

Look – the Canaanites have got this new King with modern ideas like child sacrifice – and they’ve been free of slavery for ages! And the Hittites? They worship dozens of gods and have conquered loads of so-called homelands.

But our dinosaur sticks to this stupid “one God” and “life is sacred” shit. And do we have a homeland to show for it? Do we f***!

And does Moses care? Does he heck. He gets the big tent in the posh end of camp, and 8 shekels a year too.

We scrimp and save for our half shekel donation to the priesthood, and all he does is whinge about “God wants you to stop eating bacon” and “God says stop shagging your sister”. Bloody hell, I’d talk to a burning bush for 8 shekels a year!

We haven’t even got a single pyramid, and the Egyptians have got loads, and are building more as we speak!

#MosesOut

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